On Sunday, I bought a bed from Ikea.  In packaged form, it consisted of two large, very heavy boxes, a bunch of metal hardware, and these completely retarded directions:

Please note that the upper left hand illustration in these directions “clearly” indicates that assembly of this bed is not a one man job.  But, after helping me heave the boxes into her van and into my house, dearest mother mine had to leave, and I was not deterred by “Sad Lone Builder” in Fig. 1.

I unpacked the boxes:

And arranged everything just so:

And things were moving along quite nicely, though my talking to myself was gratuitous:

Then, when attaching the metal rods pictured below, the directions indicated 4 different positions for rod to go in.  Because I like high beds, I chose the top hole and screwed the rod in manually.  The last screw didn’t want to go in all the way, however, and even though I know you shouldn’t force these things, Laurie left a power drill at my house and I was too tempted not to use it.

This was a mistake.

I got the screw in, but I totally stripped it:

Only to find that the “optional” positioning hole is just a farce.  The rest of the directions, and the rest of the hardware this bed comes with ONLY WORKS if you have the rod on the lowest hole.  So I had to take the rods off both sides, BUT I’d stripped the screw.

This was frustrating.  Things had been going so well!  I tried and tried to get the screw out.  I even tried my teeth.  Tears ensued.

Fortunately (cue the triumphant horn section) my new neighbors Larry and Jessie Kwong came to my rescue the following night.  Larry got the screw out in no time with a pair of vice grips Michael let us borrow.  I gave them dinner in return, which was another favor of theirs to me because I’d been hoping for some dinner guests.  

King and Queen Kwong: 

And just an hour ago, my incredibly amazing Sears-o-Pedic (firm with organic cotton pillowtop) hath been delivered unto me.  Just TELL me I don’t know what’s up when it comes to the comforts of sleep.

Oh you know how I do:

BAM!

I cannot wait to get in bed tonight!  FINALLY!!!!!