Hello, I have a serious problem. 
I think I may be in extreme denial of my physical appearance.
 
You all know me well enough… you’ve seen me.  Would you tell me if I was clinically obese?  I mean, if I asked?  Well, I’m asking…
 
…because…
 
I JUST GOT HAMBURGER IN MY EYE.
 
You know, it really doesn’t even matter how it happened.  I flicked it off a fork into my left EYE, but at this point it’s irrelevant.  The thing that I think matters is that nobody who’s not an extremely fat kid could possibly manage to get BEEF in their own eye.  It stung and I think there’s still some in there.  My vision’s slightly blurry and the eye is producing tears like it’s on the payroll of a third-world sweatshop.
 
Anyway, there are mirrors in the world; I’ve seen pictures of myself; my neck is capable of craning downward, but I fear I might suffer from some sort of reverse-anorexic dysmorphia.  Like, I look in the mirror and I don’t see a 500 pound person, but maybe it’s just because my eyes are too filled with BEEF to see properly.
 
Please let me know, okay?  I promise I won’t hold your honesty against you.  I need to know, it’s for my own good — I should probably find some sort of program, or support group, so that this kind of thing doesn’t recur.
 
Thanks a lot,
Angela